Lilly's Restaurant Louisville Caramel Cake Recipe

 I have been meaning to make this cake for a while and finally did! I think I baked it too long as the cake was a bit dry, but the icing was out of this world caramel delicious

My mom died

My mom died of Alzheimer's. She died at home, in her home of 45 years. She had a graceful exit from this world, for which I was very grateful. However all of this was not at all easy.

There were things that allowed her to stay at home.

I took care of her, and we also had a nanny for my son, who ended up caring for my mom also. My mom did not wander, turn on the stove, or get up out of bed after she went down for the night. She had to be encouraged to get up off the couch to come to dinner but ate well, and mostly had quiet, pleasant days.

She was organized in her affairs, had a will, and had named me power of attorney well before it was needed. This was notarized. Also well before needed, we went into the bank and signed something so that I could managed her affairs if she was not able to do so.

I needed outside help for her about 3 months before I actually got it, and before I got help I found things very very hard. She was not continent and I found this very difficult- I was doing loads and loads of laundry but also angry that things were so hard. I had applied to have a social worker visit the home, and when the social worker finally came 5 months later, we were able to arrange outside help very quickly. But I wish that I had applied for a social worker many many months before I needed help, so that I could quickly arrange more help when the time came. Because it was coming. You cope for a while and then it becomes too hard.

With regards to advanced directives, many years earlier she was clear: "when my time comes, my time comes. No resuscitation." I supported this. Towards the end of her life, I am quite certain that she had a stroke. We did not go to the ER. We could still manage her safely at home, and so we did. There were people who told me she should go to the hospital. I work in a hospital. I know what would have happened: hours in the ER, followed by an admission which would likely be very lengthy, followed by placement in a nursing home. This was the opposite of what she wanted, so we didn't do it.

Death at home means that there was decline up until death. There was step wise deterioration.  Just because everything can be done, like calling an ambulance, does not mean that everything should be done. We assessed, readjusted, coped. I asked the social worker to approve more hours from the caregiver agency.

One of my friends told me: when the person changes are month to month, the person has months to live. Week to week, they have weeks left. Day to day, then end is very near. This is what began to happen.

It was harder and harder to get her to walk up the stairs to bed. We ordered a bed for the downstairs TV room, and that is where she stayed. She was happy to have her bed there, and to be able to watch TV from there, I could tell. It made me glad to make her happy.

We would get her to walk down the hall to the kitchen for her meals. Then she had a stroke and wasn't able to move her left side well, but we were able to manage with a wheelchair loaned to us by the angels at the care agency, Golden Homecare. We let her stay in bed a lot, and got her up into the wheelchair to go to the kitchen for dinner.

She began to have bedsores. A Golden Homecare staff member implored me to act quickly. I called the social worker and she arranged for a wound care nurse to assess and start a treatment plan which happened quickly within a few days. We were lucky that our social worker responded so quickly to our needs.

My mom became more quiet, didn't seem to understand very much, and could voice when she was unhappy about something, in a word or two; she would protest vocally, mostly saying no. Physically she needed to be bathed, dressed and changed. The care workers really liked her and cared for her gently. I helped with the transfers and the changes and my back became very sore, as she was not big, but not tiny. She sometimes needed to be fed. I cooked all of her favorite foods and left it for the caregivers when I was at work- ham and cabbage, rhubarb cake, and oven pancakes. She watched TV and slept a lot.

There were very nice times despite how difficult it all was. We brought her outside to the front porch through the summer, and into the back yard to sit in the sunshine. My son knew nothing different and loved her so much. We sat in the living room and drank wine (though she didn't) and listened to Glen Miller. We ate nice meals all together. Her best Finnish friend visited weekly, and even had all of the church members come to the house to sing hymns all together and we had a wine and cheese party with that. The neighbors came over for dinner and we all talked except my mother who was very quiet, though the neighbors had known her for decades and were understanding. Love thy neighbor is true.

She had her dinner one night, and Sandra (one of the amazing GHC caregivers) and I brought her to the living room to listen to some music, and then put her to bed after. She began to leave this world; I saw that she was starting to die. I asked her if she was alright several times and she answered by giving me one definitive, distinctive nod up and down. Then she went into a sleep that lasted for the next few days.

I called the social worker and asked if we could have palliative care. The social worker gets major credit here for quickly locating the palliative doctor and nurse, who were at our home within a few hours. They assessed my mother, who was in a coma, not rousable, but comfortable, if breathing a bit quickly. The prescribed morphine and midazolam to ease any discomfort, and showed me how to administer these medications.

We agreed that they would fill out a death certificate, and that I would call the doctor at the time of death. That way, there would not be an ambulance in my driveway, and the drama of explaining that this was an expected death and that there were papers not to resuscitate. Legally, a MD has to pronounce the patient, to confirm that death has occurred, and to fill out a death certificate.

My little son came running to me: "Mommy come quick Mummi opened up her eyes she's better!" We ran to her bedside and her eyes were clear and bright and she was looking at us. She didn't say anything but she saw me and my husband and son. It really was hard to believe that she was awake from a three day coma. We gave her a bit of water. After that she closed her eyes and her breathing slowed, we were all by her side, Finnish music was playing, it was very peaceful. I called my brother who had been there earlier in the day, and he came over, and our wonderful GHC caregiver had just arrived for her shift. We opened a bottle of champagne  and toasted her. I asked my son how he knew to check on her right then and he said "my heart told me." They really did have a bond. 

How did I feel? Sad and bereft, but accepting of my mother's death. She had a graceful exit from this world. We sat and talked about what had happened moment by moment, and how we felt, and comforted each other. We were glad that she had a good life, and was in her own home when she died. We toasted to her good life, that had run its compass.

We called the funeral home, and after a few hours the attendants came and took her away. We helped transfer her to the gurney. My little son was horrified that they zipped her into a black bag "how is she going to breathe?" Later, in an online feedback survey, I told the funeral home that if the family is all around they should change that policy to close the bag outside of the home or in the hearse, for God's sake.

Dog Time

 Our dog met her brother this past weekend- that's Baily on the left

This is a photo of their parents, who are the dogs on the right

The dad is getting a treat, the mom is the one next lower in the photo

Park Lafontaine

Well, I sold my apartment. It was cute. I loved living there. But it was time to give it up.

December 1932

When my grandmother was pregnant with my mother, a few days before her due date in late December, she traveled from their tiny village Rausilla to the nearby town of Kotka, anticipating my mother's birth. There she stayed with friends, and embroidered this table runner. I think it's beautiful.

Heavenly Chicken

This recipe is from my friend Elana and I gave it to my mom, who had it in heavy rotation for years. Now I make this all of the time for family, my little son loves it and it goes great with rice and a side vegetable like broccoli or asparagus.

Directions:

Mix half a packet of onion soup, half a cup of Kraft Italian salad dressing, and half a cup of apricot jam in a Pyrex dish with a cover.

Put in 6-8 chicken thighs and spoon sauce all over.

Bake covered  at 350 for 35-40 minutes till it smells done.

Serves  2 adults and 1 kid.

Mom's Date Cake

I can't believe I found it. My mother has been in the early stages of- shall we say- forgetting things, for a while, and there are certain things like her baking, that I very much miss. At times she'll make something simple for dinner, like fried fish, but the complexity of baking is too difficult. I had asked her about this recipe, which she always baked at Christmas time, but at the time she had no idea where it might be; while going through papers I was so happy to find this. It is so good, and has nice caramel flavors from the sweetness of the dates. The flavor of the cake actually improves over days.

Translation (mine and Google's, feel free to correct):

"A legendary cake"

250 g of dates
2 dl boiled and hot water (7/8 of a cup)
1 dl of sugar (1/3 cup)
200 g butter
2 eggs
1 dl of sour cream (1/3 cup)
1 tsp vanilla sugar or half a tsp of vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking powder
2 teaspoons of baking soda
4 dl flour (1 and 2/3 cups)


Put dates in warm/hot water until soft, do not drain water. Add sugar.  Add all the remaining ingredients and mix well. Pour the mixture into an 2.5 L bunt pan. Bake at 175 celcius (350 degrees F) for about 1 hour. Cool. Tastes even better the next day. Keeps for a few weeks in the fridge.

Finnish Mökki

a mökki is a Finnish cottage, and this is the view of the water from my uncle's place in Mäntyharju. My father painted this view also and when I have time I'll try to add his way more pro version. Chui as always coached during class. The clouds aren't white, they have some red in them. Paint the blue around the clouds to give them shape. The shadow across the rock is a lighter color than the rest of the tree's shadow, as the rock is a purple gray. The lightest spot on the painting is the sunlight hitting the back of the boat, and everything in the boat is compared to that. The color of the grass in the moss is emerald green mixed with light lemon yellow. The light hitting the small branches is a light orangy brown, and the dark under the boat is a mix of all colors, a very dark tone, the darkest in the painting. 

London Long Weekend

We made a surprise visit to London to spend Easter with family.

We stayed at The Luxury Inn which was casual and excellent, an apartment with a common room and kitchen, small rooms but accommodations close by where we needed. This is a view out of the second floor window to give an idea of the neighborhood.

The Luxury Inn common room

Near Buckingham Palace

For dinner the first night we went to the excellent Akari sushi restaurant on Essex

Easter dinner (5 stars delicious) was at The Hunter S. 194 Southgate Road, right next door to our Inn - and excellent gastropub with great decor-art, animal heads. 

Winter Ski

It was perfect winter weather last weekend. Sunny after a big snow. Unfortunately, since then it has rained and warmed up a lot - this year the season for skiing was a little too short.

The laneway in the morning

Mexican Memories

We went to Playacar Palace on holiday. With a snowstorm here today, it now seems like a distant memory!

The baby loved the beach.

This is my "If I had a million dollars" house on the beach.

Went to Xaman Ha bird sanctuary. The baby is in love with birds, it was sort of pricey $22 per ticket for adults, but we didn't have any other excursions and the Aviary was within a 10 minute walk from the resort.

The resort food was great, ceviche and beer (Montejo on tap) was a daily lunch!

Jill’s Shrimp California Curry

One day we were sitting around and I asked everyone's favorite recipe to serve to guests. My bff's sister Jill dictated this recipe, which I wrote down and found after probably 20 years. I finally tried it and it was amazing. It's so quick (maybe 20 minutes start to finish), looks restaurant-like, can be easily doubled or tripled, is made in only 1 pan, and uses pantry ingredients and frozen shrimp, so can be thrown together without doing any grocery shopping. The avocado is optional. The browning shrimp have that delicious smell that reminds me of the dinners we used to go to at Beni Hana's when I was a kid. This photo was from a "TV dinner" for J and I, as in we were sitting watching late night John Oliver on HBO and eating out of bowls.

Jill’s Shrimp California Curry ~ Serves 2

2 tbsp butter

1 onion chopped fine

1tsp salt

1 tbsp curry powder

1 cup canned diced tomato

½ cup sour cream

Shrimp 30 uncooked peeled deveined (I get the already peeled frozen kind)

Sliced avocado

Rice for 2 people 

Lime wedges

Melt 1 tbsp butter in frying pan over medium heat and add chopped onion, fry 7-8 minutes stirring occasionally until softened and browned. (While the onion is frying, get the rice cooking). Add curry powder, salt, and stir, cooking for 20 seconds. Add tomato, stir with spatula until boiling a bit, then add sour cream, mix in with spatula, and take off heat. Scrape sauce into a bowl.

Without cleaning frying pan, melt remaining tbsp. butter and turn heat up to medium-high. Add shrimp in single layer and cook until spotty brown and edges turn pink, about 1-2 minutes, flip and cook other side 1-2 minutes till browned a bit.

Return sauce to frying pan and heat through.

Serve over rice with sliced avocado on the side and a wedge of lime.

Finland and Estonia

Just back from a Finnish vacation, did all of the things I love, ate a lot of fish, a lot of rye bread, went to Estonia by boat (we are leaving Helskinki in this shot), bought a lot of duty free Fazer chocolate. Patkis is my new favorite.

Went by boat to Tallinn, which is so beautiful.

Our cousin manages the Kalev Spa hotel here is the link which was amazing to stay at, the baby loved the pool and water park. The chicken salad is delicious, we all had a big meal here. His sister gave us these flowers which we enjoyed in our room.

And we had fun walking around the market

Back in Helsinki, bought some rubber Nokia boots

Went to my uncle's old cottage (now belongs to my cousin) and the weather was lovely.

The baby tried licorice ice cream- yum!

Went to the cemetery where my grandparents are buried, which in Finland is like the forest

Did some Helskinki shopping at  iittala and at some shoe shops- Minna Parika

At one point in the trip, we rented from Citykoti apartments- it was nice to make coffee in the morning and come and go and live in Helsinki for a while (the baby is looking at himself in the closet mirror).

We enjoyed amazing hospitality with our relatives who were beyond generous, but at one point we stayed at the Scandic Hotel Marski which was great, this is the view from our window.

Montreal Favorites

View from the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts

Parc Lafontaine

When I get asked what to do and where to eat in Montreal I pretty much always say the same stuff, my favourites.

To Eat:

There are 8 million great restaurants in Montreal. These are the last few I went to. My favourite restaurant, maybe in the world, is Pied de Cochon. It is the only restaurant food that I truly crave, and it is not possible to replicate it in one's own kitchen. The foie de gras burger, endive salad, and PDC mashed potatoes are to die. (Reservations necessary, or go early and try to sit at the bar). Pied de Cochon

Dominion Square Tavern - beautiful space, good food and great old timey cocktails. http://www.tavernedominion.com/en/

Vegetarian food:

Crudessence http://www.crudessence.com/ (Partial to the vege sushi and the smoothies)

and Aux Vivres https://auxvivres.com/en/ (the chapati BLT and the chapati faux lox and cream cheese- how to choose?)

A Drink: 

Depends what you're looking for. Classy coctails: Whisky Cafe http://www.whiskycafe.com/en_home.html

Wine and oysters: Pullman http://pullman-mtl.com/en/

A beer at a nice place NYKS http://nyks.ca/?lang=en

Sparrow 5322 Boul St-Laurent, Montréal, QC H2T 1A5 (514) 507-1642 (no link).

Divey places that I go to, that I just like for whatever reason: Laika http://laikamontreal.com/
and Elsie's 156 Rue Roy East, Montréal, QC H2W 1M2 (514) 286-6689 (no link)

To Brunch

Avenue Cafe- get there early. 922 Avenue du Mont Royal E Montréal, H2J 1X1 (514) 523-8780

Cafe Souvenir http://bistrocafesouvenir.com/

Coffee: Olympico http://www.cafeolimpico.com/

To Shop:

Clothing boutiques with amazing Montreal designers: In general St. Laurent in Mile End and Laurier Street are great. I love Boutique Unicorn http://www.boutiqueunicorn.com/

High end department stores that I love:

Ogilvy - they have everything clothes, luggage, lingerie, makeup and whatnot, and even a lovely top floor furniture store AND an adorable cafe in the basement to get away from the fray to have a cup of coffee and a little pastry when needed https://ogilvycanada.com/en/

And of course Holts http://www.holtrenfrew.com/shop/en/holt/storedetail/stores-montreal

Awesome cute home decor at V de V http://www.vdevmaison.com/?lang=en

Also Beige http://www.beigestyle.com/ (it's where I got that weird industrial light in my kitchen).

Bagels: a MUST

Fairmount http://www.fairmountbagel.com/

St. Viateur https://www.stviateurbagel.com/

And with this, Arachova Tzatziki is soooo good (they sell it at both places just ask).

To Do

The Montreal Museum of Fine Arts is a favourite of mine, I go about 2-3 times per year. The permanent collection is free and it's gorgeous. They also have great featured shows, and a wonderful cafe.
https://www.mbam.qc.ca/en/

A walk well worth it:

The hike up Mount Royal to the lookout. Head to the Mount Royal Park (on Parc Avenue at Rachel) pass to the left of the statue (see photo) and follow the path up the hill, then continue straight up the stairs, when this ends (you hit the T), take a left, and keep walking until you see a staircase on your right. Walk up about 6 flights and voila, the most gorgeous view of Montreal ever. Takes about 30 minutes. You can walk the long way past the stairs and keep winding up the path to the top as well.

And I do love going to St. Josephs Oratory and just walking to the top, and taking in the view. https://www.saint-joseph.org/en

Turkey Update

So the turkey is still alive, getting tougher by the minute no doubt. It is a male, and I believe it has been eyeing the dog with a certain amount of bird affection. At one point though, Chloe just had it "up to here" with the bird chasing her around, and here is the 10 second upshot.

No news on the geese. We found feathers and stuff in the field, and a couple of raccoons had been lurking around (until they succumbed to lead poisoning, if you catch my drift).

Old Photo